Heavy Stuff

The responses that I usually get when I said “My god, I’m fat” when I’m among friends would normally be “No your not!! You’re just a bit chubby”. Do they actually listen to themselves talking?

In my book, anything above BMI 25 is fat. The polite way of saying it would be; overweight. Therefore, there’s actually no point to soften the word fat to me. I’m fat, I get it & I don’t mind cuz it’s the truth.

A few months back I’ve gotten the privilege of experiencing weight loss. I’m not talking about 2 or 3 kg here. I lost around 8 to 9 kg; over the period of I cannot really remember how long. All I remember was; everybody keeps asking me, “Have you loose weight? What’s your secret?” & my answer to them was “I don’t know”. It was an honest answer. Some silly ass actually got the nerve to ask me, “Did you go to slimming centre or something? Nothing wrong with that you know”, like I ever have any insecurity issues with my fatness before. I mean please, I’m not obsess about my weight la woi. . .

The absolute truth is, for a certain period of time, I think about 8 to 10 months, I don’t eat as much as I normally do. I’m not exactly sure why. Could be work, heartbreak or I simply forgot to eat. Seriously, I don’t plan the massive weight loss. I started to acknowledge those people’s compliments when I notice that my jeans became too baggy for me. I almost look like a female Eminem during that time. I had to buy new pants so that my mom won’t nag. It just happen, I didn’t plan it. Really.

But all that was in the past. I regain those weights a few months later & back to my normal size now. I think I actually gain a few pounds more than my original fat size. I guess it’s true when people say, if you don’t watch what you eat after a massive weight loss, you will regain the weight double. I know it is true cuz I am experiencing it myself.

The funny thing is; I find myself struggling to loose weight now. But things won’t always work the way you plan. The more I try to stop eating, the hungrier I feel. I can’t bring myself to stop eating or lower my food intake & it sickens me sometimes. Now that I know how it feels to be on normal BMI, I don’t wanna go back to become fat. One problem is, I am already fat again & I don’t know how to go back to not give a damn about my weight.

Ironically, the thought of going to slimming centre doesn’t seem to be all that ridiculous anymore.