Stranger On The Train

I know I shouldn’t really swear during this supposedly holy month, but I just couldn’t help it. I was kinda having a very bad day yesterday, starting from the afternoon onwards. Triggered by a tiny sparkle of bad news, leads to a series of unfortunate events.

By the time I supposed to go home, I’m already at the boiling point of my dissatisfaction. Making things worse, I couldn’t get on up until 4 trains (no thanks to the stupid fucking service disruption) because they were fucking packed with people. I’m never gonna make it home on time to break fast. I thought to myself, life’s a real bitch. Bad things always happen only to me. Why me dear God? I’m sick of living. I began to think of 21 ways on how to kill myself without leaving any indication to living people that I actually kill myself. I don’t wanna be buried in a public cemetery somewhere cuz no religion would approve of suicide rite?

When I finally got on the 5th train, more bad things happen. People keep on pushing and pushing like they don’t see me there, alive & breathing. I still keep a calm face. Then a few other morons sort of run me over with their stupid fucking humongous bags on their way out of the train. I was like; that’s it, if another moron even make the smallest harmless tug at me, I’m gonna punch that person until his/her face get disfigured. At least that was what I was planning to do. Then I got a seat. Great.

So I sat down, minding my own business. I shut my eyes, turned my MP3 player on my phone to maximum volume, in attempt to have some peace of mind and paying no attention what so ever to those morons around me. That lasted for a good 7 minutes or so. Halfway of My Chemical Romance’s “Famous Last Word”, I felt another tug from the left seat. I was like; what now?! (in my head). I open my eyes slowly & turn to my left. There stood a girl in baju kurung, with purple tudung smiling at me. She tried to say something, but I couldn’t really hear her. Then I remember my MP3 was on. Shutting it off, I ask her with a calm voice (try to cover up my annoyance) “Cakap aper tadi?” She replied with a soft voice “Dah bukak puase ke?” I was really tempted to say “Do you see me eating anything?” but instead I answer calmly “Belum, takde bawak aper2. Tak dapat-dapat naik tren dari 5.30” Then she said “Lame nyer.. Nak biskut?” She was holding a pack of Tiger biscuit (with chocolate filling) in her hand & offered them to me. I was like “Boleh gak, terima kasih..” We had small talks. She asked me which station I’m going off at, I ask her hers, etc. She was so damn polite. At that point I felt really silly. My temperature instantly dropped to normal & I no longer felt the stub of pain in my heart of having a bad day. A few minutes later, she reached her station & went off. I thanked her again before she left.

I instantly thought of Joan Osborne song “What If God Was One of Us?” Well, that girl I met might not be God in person (or is she?) helping me out, but she sure does His work. One thing for sure, she managed to keep my faith intact yesterday just by a small gesture. So dear God, I know You’re listening & even though I can’t promise You to stop swearing or do bad things, I hereby promise You that I would really try my very best to stop doing bad things & do more good things from now onwards (but if You hear me whine, please don’t ignore me) :o)

Oh crap, I don’t even ask for that girl’s name!

Breaking Free?

My days of corporate clowning are finally over. I finally got to do something else. As boring as my first day was, I’m actually glad not having to pretend that I care when I just don’t give a damn. Guess I’m gonna have to adjust to this new environment fast. Deal with the boredom somehow. Maybe the exciting & excruciating parts haven’t come yet.

Am I really breaking free? Or just simply fall into another trap? Only time would tell for sure. I’ll be anticipating positive things though. Guess we’ll see soon enough.

Will I miss corporate clowning? I doubt it.

White Lie: A Necessity or An Excuse?

What defined a white lie? Is it really a lie told when someone lie to protect someone else’s feelings? Or is it merely an excuse to get away from trouble?

Was this terminology developed from another terminology; what he/she doesn’t know won’t hurt him/her? You know, the so-called feeling-protection method use, supposedly to refrain people’s feeling from getting hurt by actions (that shouldn’t be done) of other people? In order to execute this feeling-protection method, people need some kind of tool. That’s when white lie comes in.

Bottom line, it’s a form of cover up. You did something you shouldn’t & try to make it acceptable by not revealing the actual fact. Sounds like a whole load of crap to me.

My take on this? Lying is bullshit. Only cowards lie. A lie is a lie. No matter what the bloody reason is. If you’re too scared to get in trouble, don’t do things you shouldn’t. You should be able to take full responsibility for your action. Any matured adult should be aware of that.

So, is a white lie a pure necessity or just an excuse? You tell me.

Let Go

Letting go is hard. Especially when it comes to things you loved. It gets even harder when it’s involving the person whom you loved. But sometimes letting go is essential. I’m forced to do just that today.

No, wait. Technically, it was yesterday (a few hours or so ago) & the decision was made consciously, so willingly that I have to kick myself a lot for doing it. I let go without fighting, which is so not me. So not me. But it’s all good though. I’ve learn that the major key to let go of things is to give them up willingly, consciously. Otherwise you won’t ever be able to accept facts & move on with your life.

This year alone, I have to face all sort of loses. Lost of things. Lost of people. Both forced & with conscious decision. Either way, I’m fundamentally fucked…