The responses that I usually get when I said “My god, I’m fat” when I’m among friends would normally be “No your not!! You’re just a bit chubby”. Do they actually listen to themselves talking?
In my book, anything above BMI 25 is fat. The polite way of saying it would be; overweight. Therefore, there’s actually no point to soften the word fat to me. I’m fat, I get it & I don’t mind cuz it’s the truth.
A few months back I’ve gotten the privilege of experiencing weight loss. I’m not talking about 2 or 3 kg here. I lost around 8 to 9 kg; over the period of I cannot really remember how long. All I remember was; everybody keeps asking me, “Have you loose weight? What’s your secret?” & my answer to them was “I don’t know”. It was an honest answer. Some silly ass actually got the nerve to ask me, “Did you go to slimming centre or something? Nothing wrong with that you know”, like I ever have any insecurity issues with my fatness before. I mean please, I’m not obsess about my weight la woi. . .
The absolute truth is, for a certain period of time, I think about 8 to 10 months, I don’t eat as much as I normally do. I’m not exactly sure why. Could be work, heartbreak or I simply forgot to eat. Seriously, I don’t plan the massive weight loss. I started to acknowledge those people’s compliments when I notice that my jeans became too baggy for me. I almost look like a female Eminem during that time. I had to buy new pants so that my mom won’t nag. It just happen, I didn’t plan it. Really.
But all that was in the past. I regain those weights a few months later & back to my normal size now. I think I actually gain a few pounds more than my original fat size. I guess it’s true when people say, if you don’t watch what you eat after a massive weight loss, you will regain the weight double. I know it is true cuz I am experiencing it myself.
The funny thing is; I find myself struggling to loose weight now. But things won’t always work the way you plan. The more I try to stop eating, the hungrier I feel. I can’t bring myself to stop eating or lower my food intake & it sickens me sometimes. Now that I know how it feels to be on normal BMI, I don’t wanna go back to become fat. One problem is, I am already fat again & I don’t know how to go back to not give a damn about my weight.
Ironically, the thought of going to slimming centre doesn’t seem to be all that ridiculous anymore.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
World?
Mawi – I still don’t get the fascination. Not even after I saw him in person with his fiancé at Istana Budaya, just before Impak Maksima The Musical started. No shining halo above his head, nothing. I just don’t get it. Sorry Malaysia.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
State of Stand
I used to be a rigid feminist. So rigid that I named every guy in my class a different scrubs name during my university years. I just hate them all. They all are assholes.
The truth is; I used to have guys for best buddies during my primary & secondary school years. I enjoy hanging out with them, playing soccer, building paper rockets, pulling pranks. Back then I guess I don’t find it wrong to be rough (not that now I think it is). Even when my teacher asked us to form a group for any school projects, I’d choose at least 2 guys to be in my group, if it’s a 4 people per group thing. They create balance, don’t you think?
Towards the end of primary school, when we were like 11 or 12, my best friend then (a girl) developed a certain animosity towards male species. She refused to be in a team with me for a cooking competition just because I wanted to be part of my usual “well-balanced” school project group. She wanted to be in an all girl group. I wouldn’t call it hate though. It’s a silly little syndrome called shyness. Well, u know some of us gotten our period as early as 12 & those girls started to notice boys as an actual different being altogether. Our so-called “assets” started to develop, thus triggering more needs to succumb to the shyness virus. Somehow I didn’t catch the virus & puzzled sick on why were my friends acting all strange. I think this happened because I can’t actually comprehend discrimination well. This scenario continued up until I finish secondary school. 5 or 6 years of frantic confusion.
Then it was time to go to the university. I find the culture is so disturbing. The guys there are total assholes. I can no longer tolerate them. Although hate could be a little strong to describe the feeling, but I think I was feeling just that; sheer hate. I find them irritating. They always tried to downgrade girls. It was almost like they see us as a second class citizen. They try to make fun of us at any possible opportunity. At one point, I just can’t take it anymore. On normal occasion, I’d just shut up & look at them with disgust while they make fun of my girl classmates, reserving the hate-thought to myself. But, at a very supposedly another normal day, they try to pull the same trick on me. Man, they sure don’t know with whom they are fucking with. I was doing a presentation on an I-don’t-remember-what topic during my English class, when this thin, mamak-looking boy tried to question my credibility. Hello, I’m the only one at my school whom actually get a cert for 1119 okay. So, I yelled at him top of my lung & say something like “if you would just listen first before asking your stupid fucking question, you might just benefit from what I am trying to put through your thick skull. Now, shut up & listen asshole!” Well yeah, I add up the f & a word here for dramatic effect. But one thing for sure, nobody dare to interrupt me on any of my presentation from that moment on. They started to nickname me “garang”. The hell with them. At least they didn’t nickname me “gedik” like a few of my poor girl classmates get. This is the point where I started to nickname them scrubs name too. Those assholes. Now you know why I don’t keep in contact with any of my guy classmates or batch mates for that matter. They event make me resent the question of marriage. I was so sure that becoming a spinster for life is much better that being with one of those losers.
It gets a bit better when I started working. I regain my trust with men & can actually start to hangout with them again. Even though I can no longer catch up with them to play soccer, I can still join them for other activities like treasure hunting, eco-challenge & paintball. I was the only girl on my team when we were crowned champion during a paintball event held by my company then. I feel like I was back in school again. That was a few years back. Nothing changes much since.
I'm not really the type whom ends a post with “the moral of the story is…” cuz I believe that there ain’t really any. So I’m just gonna end this here. The end.
The truth is; I used to have guys for best buddies during my primary & secondary school years. I enjoy hanging out with them, playing soccer, building paper rockets, pulling pranks. Back then I guess I don’t find it wrong to be rough (not that now I think it is). Even when my teacher asked us to form a group for any school projects, I’d choose at least 2 guys to be in my group, if it’s a 4 people per group thing. They create balance, don’t you think?
Towards the end of primary school, when we were like 11 or 12, my best friend then (a girl) developed a certain animosity towards male species. She refused to be in a team with me for a cooking competition just because I wanted to be part of my usual “well-balanced” school project group. She wanted to be in an all girl group. I wouldn’t call it hate though. It’s a silly little syndrome called shyness. Well, u know some of us gotten our period as early as 12 & those girls started to notice boys as an actual different being altogether. Our so-called “assets” started to develop, thus triggering more needs to succumb to the shyness virus. Somehow I didn’t catch the virus & puzzled sick on why were my friends acting all strange. I think this happened because I can’t actually comprehend discrimination well. This scenario continued up until I finish secondary school. 5 or 6 years of frantic confusion.
Then it was time to go to the university. I find the culture is so disturbing. The guys there are total assholes. I can no longer tolerate them. Although hate could be a little strong to describe the feeling, but I think I was feeling just that; sheer hate. I find them irritating. They always tried to downgrade girls. It was almost like they see us as a second class citizen. They try to make fun of us at any possible opportunity. At one point, I just can’t take it anymore. On normal occasion, I’d just shut up & look at them with disgust while they make fun of my girl classmates, reserving the hate-thought to myself. But, at a very supposedly another normal day, they try to pull the same trick on me. Man, they sure don’t know with whom they are fucking with. I was doing a presentation on an I-don’t-remember-what topic during my English class, when this thin, mamak-looking boy tried to question my credibility. Hello, I’m the only one at my school whom actually get a cert for 1119 okay. So, I yelled at him top of my lung & say something like “if you would just listen first before asking your stupid fucking question, you might just benefit from what I am trying to put through your thick skull. Now, shut up & listen asshole!” Well yeah, I add up the f & a word here for dramatic effect. But one thing for sure, nobody dare to interrupt me on any of my presentation from that moment on. They started to nickname me “garang”. The hell with them. At least they didn’t nickname me “gedik” like a few of my poor girl classmates get. This is the point where I started to nickname them scrubs name too. Those assholes. Now you know why I don’t keep in contact with any of my guy classmates or batch mates for that matter. They event make me resent the question of marriage. I was so sure that becoming a spinster for life is much better that being with one of those losers.
It gets a bit better when I started working. I regain my trust with men & can actually start to hangout with them again. Even though I can no longer catch up with them to play soccer, I can still join them for other activities like treasure hunting, eco-challenge & paintball. I was the only girl on my team when we were crowned champion during a paintball event held by my company then. I feel like I was back in school again. That was a few years back. Nothing changes much since.
I'm not really the type whom ends a post with “the moral of the story is…” cuz I believe that there ain’t really any. So I’m just gonna end this here. The end.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Bodoh Sombong
Sometimes I simply don’t get it. Resuming my role as a corporate clown (yes, I’m cursed!), got me thinking a lot about troubled people. People whom don’t know about things but too proud to admit it & pretend that they know better. Making it worse is when they refuse to listen to the explanation from us, who actually know something. Why certain people act a certain way? Why are there so many assholes in this world? Why can’t people just be nice? Why??? Maybe it is a good idea just to stop asking & start not giving a damn. Cuz curiosity about a certain thing means that you actually care about it. Maybe if those assholes can just get out of my way, I can just don’t give a damn. Problem is; they are in my way. So technically I have to care cuz they affect me. Why should they affect me if I don’t care? Wondering could drive you straight to the magical world of Why Wonderland. I don’t wanna go there. Na-ah.
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